7 Dec 2015


Good golly, it's been months. Not that I didn't have anything to talk about, but that I didn't have the time or the mood to do so for so long.

I thought I had a bazillion topics to cover, but I think it mostly boiled down to one thing in mind: who am I supposed to be?

I probably would've answered "a professional musician" a decade ago, naturally utilizing my skill in the piano & violin then. Another five years later, I probably wouldn't give such a definite response. Perhaps looking at different kinds of music industries/ And now, I'm not too sure still. My interests have spread around among music, maths, programming, gaming, and a few miscellaneous areas. And the list may be growing still.

And boy has university thrown even more possibility into the mix. Apart from stress-inducing exams + mind-boggling new concepts in my face, the windows of opportunity are moved even closer into view. Even more plausible paths present, but I don't know which to take. Pretty damn frustrating when dealing with a super unforgiving grading system, and even then an impressive university portfolio doesn't guarantee career success. I only have like the next semester to suss out a path for myself, a path that determines a great portion of my future.

That's one aspect of the current reality of life that I hate: it's very hard to keep on exploring the world - and yourself - without finding some pursuit to stick in the long run for security. Not impossible, but the few who accomplish that are rare outliers.

Still boggles my mind how there are people who have such concrete vision and direction that they can fixate on the future selves they want to become so early on, and keep plowing at it until it actually comes true. Are they just lucky to have clicked the pieces of their lives together at a young age? Or are they doing something that I'm not aware of? Something I might not even be capable of?

May just be another thing within me waiting to be discovered, I guess? Or not?

Geez, seems that the older I get the less I know about myself.