7 Dec 2015


Good golly, it's been months. Not that I didn't have anything to talk about, but that I didn't have the time or the mood to do so for so long.

I thought I had a bazillion topics to cover, but I think it mostly boiled down to one thing in mind: who am I supposed to be?

I probably would've answered "a professional musician" a decade ago, naturally utilizing my skill in the piano & violin then. Another five years later, I probably wouldn't give such a definite response. Perhaps looking at different kinds of music industries/ And now, I'm not too sure still. My interests have spread around among music, maths, programming, gaming, and a few miscellaneous areas. And the list may be growing still.

23 Aug 2015


I've already accepted that I'm mentally wired in quite a different way from the typical people I come across. I tend to see different perspectives. I don't like taking conventions for granted when they contradict my logic. It's almost frustrating trying to see what wavelengths others are on so I'm not totally out of sync.

I guess more people are willing to accept the idea of differences in personality and mentality than before. The idea of introversion and extroversion is a common hot topic on social networks, appropriately enough. Yet paradoxically it's gotten mainstream enough to the point that youths are very quick to label themselves in either of the camps, or even the third "ambiversion" camp. Not everybody's clearly introverted or extroverted or perfectly in between. Similarly, the autism spectrum disorders have the word "spectrum" for a reason: there's no clear distinction or generalisation. Not all autistic people have drastic symptoms, and some even exhibit pretty close to neurotypical behaviour with very slight differences.

8 Aug 2015

Ass Gee Fifth Tee

Fifty years. Not bad of a streak so far. Not nearly as impressive as most other countries who've endured decades, even centuries, but it's a heck of an achievement given the circumstances.

Still, it's pretty annoying seeing the red dot with its four letter plastered just about everywhere. Understandable, but probably overdone to near death. Fishcake? SG50. Sushi? SG50. Milk powder? SG50. Lasagne? You get the idea. Any company could slap it on their products and claim it's for the commemoration of the 50th year of independence. Geez, remembering that the 2015 New Year Countdown kept using SG50 as a substitute term for "New Year" still irks me.

There is merit in all this in-your-face reminder of Singapore celebrating its 50th "birthday" (I don't even know why they call it a birthday) though. It's national education on overdrive. Okay, that in itself already elicits cringe reactions from some people. But many of the SG50 events do a neat job of reinforcing nostalgia and recounting of past milestones, something beneficial to the younger generations. A connection to the past that's getting ever more distant with time.

31 Jul 2015


And so it comes. The days of formal university study draw ever closer, and I'm in the midst of properly committing my choices of study.

Won't lie, it's freaking daunting. System is more complex than I was prepared for, but what's more important is the agency thrust upon me this time. Maybe I had some choice in picking general subjects for school so far, but this is really tailoring my schedule to fine detail. I'm a little paranoid of missteps, especially when the grading system isn't forgiving. Probably overthinking this now though. Besides, it does allow for personal freedom and variety in curriculum... to some extent.

28 Jul 2015

Past Entry 31

28th July 2013

Well. It's been some time. And to be frank I hesitated for a really long time before deciding it's time to do another one of these.

Why hesitate? I try to make these Past Entries when I think I'm at a certain important point in my life, that I think is worth bringing up again in the future. But what if I feel like there's almost nothing important in your life at the moment? What if I'm inching through a dark period of my life at a frustratingly lethargic pace? Do I still want to bring up such a horrible part of my memories back up again?

At first, I thought that there wasn't a need to force myself to do something I don't feel comfortable with, just for the sake of making sure the Past Entries aren't too far apart. Then I thought for a while longer. Actually, the fact that I'm in a situation that I absolutely hate being in is precisely why I have to do this.

9 Jul 2015

Imperfect Perfection

The concept of perfection seems pretty stretched to me over the years.

There isn't just technical perfection, i.e. absolutely no deviation from the highest standard. That's become a bland definition. And it's usually unobtainable in reality. Errors creep in, whether through carelessness or chance. A circle, no matter how round you draw it, won't be a geometrically perfect circle.

There is also branded perfection, or as I might call it, Perfection™. This is the kind of perfection that gets perpetuated in commercials. The Perfect™ drink. The Perfect™ eyeliner. The Perfect™ shaver. This product or service must surely be the best there is, because the apparent expert approved of its quality, and it comes with slick presentation. Also it's enhanced with special personal techniques or technology that sounds impressive, even if you don't know what they mean.

8 Jul 2015

Past Entry 36

8th July 2014

Whoops. I've completely neglected this Past Entry thing for a looooooong time. But I guess it makes things interesting. I can compare the differences between me at the time of writing this, and the me who wrote the previous Past Entry.

So... a brief status check:

I'm still stuck serving National Service in the Air Force as a clerk.

I'm still trying to sort out my anxiety and other related issues.

I've started going for IT night classes since June-ish.

All things considered, perhaps I'm moving in a more productive direction than the last time.

16 Jun 2015

Complexity Simplified

So I've been taking a programming course, which is coming to an end in the form of an exam two days from now. Well technically there is another course's exam tomorrow... and yet another one a few days later. But that's not the point. And yes I've studied.
Anyway one of the takeaways that the programming professor emphasised on was learning to manage complexity. Sure there were loads of techniques we picked up on that was specific to programming. A heck of a journey through recursion, loops, nesting, and so on. Again, not the point. Those techniques were merely tools to tackle problems that we attempt to solve through coding.

In fact, they really can extend beyond the coding box into "real life".

22 Apr 2015

How Free?

Freedom is quite a tricky thing to balance.

More freedom = more possibilities and more entropy. Outcomes multiply. Consequences diversify. You face more permutations to choose from.You experience new things beyond the normal and expected.

Is that bad or good? It depends on how much freedom is granted.

19 Apr 2015


It's been sorta a blur for the past few months since my last non-scheduled post.

So many events going by. So many events of fortune and calamity. News featuring figures of respect, and lightning rods of hate. So many new academic lessons. So much change.

Kinda odd why I never bothered to think of writing a post on any of this for this long. Lazy? Busy? Cautious? Probably a mix. I do have a strong tendency to not comment on current affairs online though. I am aware, but I usually stay silent on the Internet.

23 Mar 2015

Past Entry 21

March 23rd 2012

Well since I'm here I might as well stock up on a few more Past Entries. I've already done the grand 20th  one so I could do Entries 21 and 22 here. Feels like I'm in the mood to mark out certain milestones.

Especially in Singapore it seems like 18 and 21 are like milestone ages. 18 grants you access to certain things, and 21 grants more. Don't really care much about the R21 movie-watching privilege though. The only time I find the R21 thing such a bother is when the rating's there only because of things like "religious issues" or "profanities", which I think I can comprehend quite well and won't be mentally scarred or brainwashed after watching.

I think by now(by which I mean 2015) I would have gone through quite a hectic ride. The burden of compulsory military service is borne by many Singaporean males. I just hope I got an easier time over there, as selfish as it sounds, because I know just how likely I'll crack in an environment like that. I worry less over my "apparent masculinity" and fret more over my mental state. :(

1 Mar 2015

Past Entry 29

1st March 2013

Goodness.. how long has it been since the previous Past Entry??? I've been pushing this back for so long, this'll be the first Past Entry I would have done in the YEAR. At least I'm stocking up on them again. This thing's grown too big to let it die out so easily.

So why today? Well the 'A' Levels results were released today. And I guess I can consider myself satisfactory with my results: I didn't screw it up to the level of an epic failure, and even got away with an A somewhere in there. Though the subjects that did well - and not so well - surprised me. In a paradoxical way, I've gotten used to this weird switching effect, so I'm no longer surprised at the surprises that the exam results throw at me. 

Now comes the "fun" part: knowing my results, where should I go for my university courses after NS? This is the bit that I don't expect to answer so quickly yet. I don't have to rush it and immediately apply this year. If I need a year or two to sort it out, so be it. The last thing I want is to end up studying something neither interesting nor relevant and demanded. 

15 Feb 2015

Dusting Cobwebs

This feels like deja vu. Coming back to a blog that I haven't touched in a long while. And possibly the longest hiatus yet. Heck, two scheduled Past Entries have already popped up since my last written post. 

I'm not going to use the "time really flies" excuse. Because I know that to me, it felt anything but a rapid blur of events. More like a slow-drifting fog. 

Why the sudden hiatus of a few months? Simple: wasn't in the mental mindset to put down anything into words on this blog. Lots of sorting to be done in my head, lots of time to commit to work and study, and not enough left to consolidate whatever self-reflection I'd done into writing.

9 Feb 2015

Past Entry 35

9th February 2014

Well. 35th Past Entry.

Perhaps I should address something directly: have these Past Entries really done much in anyway?

I mean, ALL the entries here are archived. They are all technically entries from the past. If I needed a revisit to the past, I could just go back through all my previous posts. But I figured that with these specific Past Entries, I'd get the reminders I think I may need in future. Reminders of what I've gone through, what I've learned, what I've done, that would possible help me later on. And rather than make the effort to revisit the past, the past comes back to me.

So have these reminders worked in this purpose?