30 Dec 2014

Past Entry 28

30th December 2012

Hi. I hope I'm doing okay at this point.

Here am I, this close to the day my IC gets "confiscated", addressing this to myself, when I'll be this close to getting my IC back.

I guess both cases are, in a way, exciting scenarios. I am, and will be, at a point of huge transition. The former is when I go from one uniform to another, and the latter when I get out of the other uniform too. I'm kinda getting sick of being confined to uniforms. Should I end up having to seek a job at a company I'd probably look for workplaces that allow fun casual clothing. Not that it'd be such a big deal if I work in uniform, but that I'd feel more like myself.

I really do hope I have a solid idea of which direction to head off next. Even typing this now I haven't done anything with regards to applications to universities. In fact I'm not sure if I even need to go to a university campus to acquire the qualifications that I make seek in the future.  


12 Oct 2014

Rebinding

A little less than three months left. Then the gears shift into a new configuration.

I guess it won't be too abrupt since I've already been going for classes and doing projects. So I'm in touch with the studying environment. But it's still quite a change. And a somewhat liberating one at that. For instance, I'll get to use a camera-enabled device way more freely. And I'll finally not be required to report anywhere in some uniform.

But even that is still a short transition. University courses loom in the middle of the next year. And that's no simple feat. Not much time for you to catch up if you trip in the middle. It boggles my mind as to how some of these undergraduates can go for so many courses and still spread themselves in other extracurricular events. At least not without sacrificing a bit of sanity or vitality.

6 Oct 2014

Turning Wheels

I'm not a big fan of change that's beyond my control.

I like having agency and freedom. I like having the knowledge that would help me make the decisions to chart my path. It feels sucky when that kind of control and non-restriction is stripped away.

And right now, I feel swept up in some other person's large scheme again. Another pawn being manoeuvred out of will, to a space that I haven't picked, in order to fulfil a plan I don't know much about.

28 Sep 2014

Post-Childhood

Well. It's been some time since I popped by here. And it's nearing October already.

October usually meant something fun. Children's Day. The day where you actually celebrated being the child you are. The day where you don't need to come to school, and have fun over the extra break day just doing child stuff. Watch TV holiday specials, go to carnivals, watch stage performances in school the day before... It was a nice relief, albeit a short temporary one, from the looming year-end exams. Especially with PSLE on your mind.

Now I don't even get those school holiday terms - or what I dub as lesson-less periods. Because the office doesn't really care if it's June or December. Work has to be done. One of the stark reminders that I'm no longer a kid.

7 Sep 2014

▶▶

You know when you look at what's been planned ahead in the next few weeks or months of your life, and you think, "Must I go through all that before <insert desired milestone> arrives?"

That's what I feel now.

I've been looking at my schedule for the remaining months of the year, and frankly, it's nothing short of bland and nearly uneventful. Public holidays are sparse, night lessons peppered all over, medical appointments scattered everywhere. And I want to just hit the fast-forward button and let my conscious self jump into 2015 straight away.

31 Aug 2014

Weak

September's here, huh?

I wish I could say "how time flies" or "can't believe it's September already", but it felt nothing like that to me.

The great changes I've experienced since two years back have been at least a little more than stressful and disorienting to me. I just mostly ended up feeling even more vulnerable than I did.

24 Aug 2014

New Mask

So. After many, many months of sticking to the same profile picture, I've broken a years-long tradition of using variations of the Facebook default anonymous silhouette.

Some of you may be observant enough to notice it. It's this... odd... symbol... thing. Which makes even less sense now, it seems.

What gives? Did I just put some weird placeholder doodle to stall for time for a new silhouette variant? Is it a teaser for some pretentious art project? Am I going to abandon my name for that symbol, like the man who was formerly Prince?

None of the above. It's actually a little less exciting than any of those.

17 Aug 2014

Spinning Yarns

Hey. I actually remembered to put up another post a week after the previous one. Yay.

So it may not seem like it, and I may have mentioned it before, but I've been kinda busying myself on the sidelines writing stories. You won't find them here though. Or anywhere on the Internet for that matter.

When I'm not swamped with work in the office as a clerk, I devote a tiny slice of time, bit by bit, towards the current story project I'm working on. And periodically, I go to the eForums (those who know, will know, that's all I'm saying) and update the thread under the Stories subforum. It's a very slow and tedious process. But it's pretty much the main way to slightly diminish the frustration and exasperation I face while confronting with serving out my obligatory NS period.

10 Aug 2014

49 years... and a day

So I've totally missed out on the usual pre-National Day banter that I tended to do on this blog. Heck, I've not put anything on the blog for so many weeks already.

Well, maybe that previous post "9th August: A Refresher" kinda counts as pre-National Day banter. But I usually do that stuff right before the day itself, not weeks in advance.

Oh well. Not like it matters too much.

Anyway, seems like this year's NDP seems to have gotten interestingly more positive reception this time. Dunno if it has gotta do with the fact that this is probably the last time the Floating Platform will be used for NDP (at least in the near foreseeable future). Or the fact that there's no new official NDP song for this year, instead relying on rearrangements of existing ones. Or the fact that Gurmit Singh is not one of the emcees. Who knows.

Past Entry 32

11 August 2013

You know, I thought that by now I'd have a little clearer idea of what to study in university, and from that, what jobs to take. Yet I'm still in doubt.

Well I have narrowed it to a select few, but I still don't know which to take. It's scary because if I make a wrong decision, it'll be hard to reverse, if not impossible. 

The career options I'm still considering can roughly be grouped as such:


20 Jul 2014

Template

Seems almost modern sage advice now. To live your life as your own and not as others force you to. To follow your dreams. To make your own wise decisions and not mindlessly go by the wishes of others.

But that comes with risks too. The risk of failing spectacularly when your bold venture flops. The risk of discovering that what you thought you wanted actually wasn't what you wanted or needed. The risk of wasting time and resources doing a U-turn in the middle of your personal journey.

So how closely should I follow the familiar footpaths? And how much should I stray off to find the hidden gems of life?

13 Jul 2014

9th August: A Refresher

Whoo. Heading towards mid-July. National Day is creeping towards here. You could almost touch the fat packs of coupons snugly stuffed into the NDP Fun Packs. Almost taste the NEWater supplied within too.

Honestly I'm not totally psyched about the 9th of August. It's almost a given that at least half of the choreography is supposed to flesh out abstract concepts in ways I don't understand. And that the emcees (chosen to represent all major races, of course) are busy trying to keep the hyped crowd from fizzling out, at least not until the fireworks are about to be unleashed into the night sky.

But it seems like this time, the NDP may hold more significance to us Singaporeans in several ways. At least that's what I think.

29 Jun 2014

The Melting Pot Boils

Funny how Singapore likes to talk about her multi-racial multi-religious society living in harmonious coexistence, and yet has had a few not-so-pleasant clashes in ideology and culture.

Generational gaps and conflicts. Anti-PAP and/or anti-democracy anarchists. The place of LGBTs in society. Foreigners versus locals.

Quite a while back I did talk about how we should move beyond tolerance and perhaps go into acceptance. Basically I said that tolerance is merely just keeping silent, but not necessarily being peaceful about the differences between groups. Just because you don't hear people making blatant remarks inciting racism or anti-religion ideas doesn't mean none of them are thinking it.

22 Jun 2014

Brain Numb

Sorry for not write post in long time.

Brain numb.

Can not do think much.

IT classes make brain badness worse. Much tired.

So regret for not put gooder quality words here.

Maybe next weekend brain get better.

Or brain get even worser.

Will see.







wow

8 Jun 2014

Falling

I feel nothing beneath or above me, except the rush of incoming air.

There is only blackness below and above. The surrounding walls move too fast.

I feel fear. I try to fight it. Attempt to understand it.

Am I in the middle of an escape? Or in the midst of an impending death sentence?

There has to be more than this.

The wind continues to flutter against my horizontal body, failing to slow my descent.

Is there approaching danger? Is there a final destination down there?

When does the journey end?

The cold gust, the sickening air...

I close my eyes to shut it all out...





I sigh as I see myself back on the bed.

1 Jun 2014

Soaring

I feel nothing beneath or above me, except the rush of incoming air.

The indiscernible blocks of buildings underneath me look nothing more than grey chunks with glitter on them.

The sky on top of me shows nothing more than wisps of grey against a black infinite sheet.

I fear nothing. I don't fight it. I don't attempt to understand it.

This isn't meant to be a mission. Nor is it meant to be an artistic stunt.

This just is.

The wind continues to flutter along my horizontal body, lending support to my flight.

There is no danger. There is no final goal.

Just the journey.

The cool breeze, the fresh air...

I close my eyes to embrace it all...





I sigh as I see myself back on the bed.

25 May 2014

Watch My Tongue

I don't really like swearing. Expletives very, very, very rarely come out of my mouth, or get typed on the keyboard.

My more proper excuse is that there are just so many different words in the language that can express intensity, fear, anger, seriousness, and disbelief. It doesn't have to resort to foul swearing to make a point. And sometimes, it's the simpler words that cause a deeper impact than liberally sprinkled verbal bombs.

On top of that, I just simply find it weird to swear. Whether I type it out or say it out loud.


18 May 2014

Buildup

And we're back. Parents are back from 2 weeks of exploring and unwinding in Europe. And luckily nothing in our house exploded or went missing during those two weeks.

In the meantime, I've just started going for night classes. Yes, I'm a student again, even though my ORD is still months away. And it's IT classes, so it's not merely some side hobby. It's productive too!

So not only do I have to work 8 to 5+, I also sometimes have to disappear to the academy from 7+ to 10+. This kills a lot of whatever leisure time I used to have on weeknights. But there's still convenient Internet access over there, so it's not all too bad.


3 May 2014

Independence

Whelp. My parents are gone from this country. Or at least going to be soon. Their flight for their wonderful holiday is in less than an hour, but they're already at the airport waiting to check in.

Which leaves me and my brother to fend for ourselves at home. For two weeks.

I can't possibly go with them. That would burn up so many days of what little leave I'm granted for the year. Neither can my brother because he also has a job. So we're stuck here hoping we can take care of things.

26 Apr 2014

Unquote

I'm not really good at remembering famous quotes.

I've seen people who can pluck inspiring sentences from their respected idols, as easily as recalling their emergency contact numbers. Some of them can weave them nicely into essays or speeches to lend strength to their own words. I'm hopeless at that though. I don't have as great of a catalogue of quotes at my disposal.

Not that I really felt I needed one anyway. I might find certain quotes interesting, in that it provokes thoughts based around the underlying idea behind the quote, and why the person might have said the quote. But I'm not one to pass quotes around. I'm the type that reads quotes, derives lessons from them, and moves on, probably forgetting about the quotes but not the lessons.

13 Apr 2014

"Me" Or "We"?

Are we, the younger generations, becoming more selfish or more selfless?

I've heard the term "Generation Me" or "Gen I" thrown about a while. Often used to describe the generation of people who like to showcase themselves. The people who show intimate pictures and videos of their lives. The people who indulge in selfies and Vines. The people who want quick gratification of their own achievements and products. Can't deny that there's some truth in there. The Facebook Likes and Twitter Retweets and other countable reshares are some of the online imaginary dollars we like to collect to measure our worth on the Internet.

Not just that, there also tends to be a bigger emphasis on pursuing personal passion, I noticed. We hold more individual control over our lives. Because they are our own lives. We're encouraged to not be afraid to do what we strongly believe in. Not like generations back when we may be told to just take the family torch without question, or follow the often-trekked paths without resistance.

6 Apr 2014

Drifting

There are times when I feel like I'm drifting away. Half-separated from the material world, floating as wisps of untouchable consciousness. This might be one of those times.

I've been feeling a little bit woozy lately. Not sick. Not fatigued. Just not quite in the usual state of mind. I don't quite feel connected to this world as I normally am.

Like it's some sort of half-dream. Where not everything is there. Where not all of me is here.

30 Mar 2014

More Than Just Lights Out

So Earth Hour flew by last night. Didn't really bother to join in the "festivities". Besides, most of the lights in the house were turned off, as they usually are anyway.

Oh I know, Earth Hour chooses to use the action of turning off the lights as their "Earth-saving" activity, mostly because it's the most visible. The effects are easily translatable through before-after pictures. But I always find it kinda funny that at the same time, the Earth Hour concerts still use quite a fair bit of electricity to power the speakers and microphones. And there were still quite a few non-essential lights left on that night.

23 Mar 2014

Rain Dance

Sometimes when I'm on the bus and I see huge dark clouds rolling in the sky, I secretly wish it starts pouring.

The normal person would probably want the rain to hold on for a little while. Rain = slippery roads = slower, more cautious traffic movement = more time taken to get to the destination.

But I silently hope it rains. Not just because it brings heat relief.

Because that's when I get to watch the performance up close. Especially when I have a window seat.

17 Mar 2014

Beyond Life

What lies beyond life? What happens when we expire?

Scientifically we know what happens to our physical shells. But we don't know whether our self-awareness and identity... the soul... persists.

I kinda like the idea of a heaven. That when you die, and as long as you haven't screwed up your life too much, you go up and join the rest of the awesome dead people, along with the others who you've missed. Chilling with the great celebrities, discussing with well-known experts and pioneers of their fields, having a massive conference cum party up there... it's not an unappealing thought.

9 Mar 2014

Beyond The Mainstream

If you look at what I occasionally put up on my Facebook or Twitter feeds, you may know that I tend to share either really new content, or really overlooked content. You may also know that I listen to music beyond just what they play on the radio, or what's filling up the pop charts.

And you'll probably be aware about the (in)famous modern hipster movement, where certain demographics of people strive to seek out the underrated and lesser known, going against the big cultural trends and favouring genuine originality over to-the-mold cloning. Unfortunately it's marred with stereotypes of snobs dismissing the "common media" while relishing in their hipness. Even weirder is that more and more seem to be fulfilling those stereotypes of their own accords, donning the worn flannel and faded jeans for that carefree look. It's like they want to conform in their non-conformity.

Do I consider myself a hipster then?

2 Mar 2014

Reawakened

Out of the temporary slumber, back into "business".

Haven't done anything here in like a month. Not planned. Just didn't feel bothered to. Sure there has been quite a bit of interesting news and monotony-breaking events during that hiatus, but nothing that I felt I could talk about here. Well, maybe I could have decided to talk about what I think about Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII, but I think too many other people have the same few opinions about it. Especially comments about some of Lightning's... uncharacteristic costumes.

Well okay, there's also the whole Twitch Plays Pokemon thing. They've just somehow miraculously finished the last one, and are now moving on to Pokemon Crystal. Other than that I hardly know what the heck is going on. The way that keen followers have managed to already form themselves into pseudo-religious groups from the decisions and in-game events alone is almost scary. Fascinating, but scary. Someone could do a whole analytical paper on this.

9 Feb 2014

Chill

Everyone should just chill.

Really, chill out.

Relax.

Yes, the world's busy. It's constantly active. There's not one moment nowadays when the entire planet comes to a complete standstill. Change is constant. But that doesn't mean there aren't any opportunities to loosen your tether to the busy world a little.

Let your mind and body recover. Sort yourself out through rest and reflection.

Slow down a little. Even if for a few minutes.


2 Feb 2014

Horses & Stuff

So a new lunar year, and a new zodiac animal of the year: the horse.

We had stuff. We said stuff. We drank and ate stuff. We watched some stuff on TV and talked about stuff.

A lion dance troupe performed some stuff. I took a few pictures of some of their stuff.

We ate and drank more stuff. We talked about more stuff.

And now I'm talking about all that stuff here.

I might put more interesting stuff here, but I don't feel motivated enough.

Stuff.

19 Jan 2014

Virtual Life After Death

Here's a question that not many people online would have considered: when they die, what do they want to be done to all their online accounts?

If you died, would you want your Facebook account living on, with all your achievements on FarmVille or Candy Crush Saga immortalised on your Wall? Would you want your Twitter account to stick around, so your last few tweets are sealed in the digital archives for people to see? Would you want your gaming accounts to stay on, so that your gaming friends would still see your offline status as they go on with their lives and play more games?

It's not such a light question to ignore. You do have a right to be concerned with what happens to your online content and personal details that have been left on the Internet. What if some jerks come to your Facebook wall and deface it? Or even worse, hack your account and start posting things? What about if you had uploaded some private stuff that only you could see? Do you want that to remain unseen by those in your life?

12 Jan 2014

Another Metamorphosis

So yeah. I've done a few changes to the blog, the most important one being the URL. Yes, the age of "thelongesturlinblogger" is over, and I'm now symbolically integrating my online persona with this blog even more tightly. Easier to associate this blog to me now. Well, the online facet of me.

And there are a few little design changes. Colour tweaks. Font switches. And a no-longer-existing page where the music video playlist used to be. I figured not many people would bother too much with visiting that page any more, since most of the time visitors would probably do their multi-tasking and technologically immersed generation proud by listening to other things already. Like come here while already listening to random tracks on Soundcloud or Spotify or Pandora or whatnot. Or possibly listening to a podcast. (Also it's been kinda a pain constantly trying to find an ideal playlist platform, and then remember to add music videos to it)

5 Jan 2014

A Little More Change

So I've been thinking about doing a few little changes to this blog. No I won't "migrate". Well not exactly. I've been thinking that there may be a little bit of cleaning up needed, and a little bit more ownership of this blog. A URL name change will come soon, because frankly putting "thelongesturlin<insert platform here>" is both lazy and definitely not the longest url in that blogging platform.

I also might reevaluate just what I want to put on here. For now it's been pretty constricted to either short stories I've written, or brief opinionated rants about a few issues. I want to see if there's more I can explore. Maybe there's more I can get myself to discuss and muse about. Maybe I could do more of curating stuff on the Web too. Who knows.

And I've been eyeing my Tumblr alternative blog, which is currently just resharing whatever I put here on Blogger. I just might reshare from other Tumblr blogs there. Or upload more personal stuff too. (I've already put something there, but it's barely anything)

So there's that. Just wanted to give a heads up now since I didn't want to disrupt that ongoing "Another Year" mini-story thing(except for that brief mid-way Past Entry that I had no control over)... so yeah.

Watch out for previous links to this blog breaking soon. 

1 Jan 2014

Another Year (7/7)

"...and welcome back to our morning show! I hope you've had a fantastic New Year's Eve part last night, I certainly did! Enjoyed a few glasses of wine with friends as we watched the fireworks nearby..."

Colours flashed and sounds crackled from far away. Harold blinked.

This TV was much further away from him.

In fact, he wasn't in his apartment. He was in a reclining bed, wrapped in a clean white blanket.

He stared at a plastic tube sticking out from his left arm.