August 1st 2012
As always, I'm reminded by just how unforgiving time can be, prohibiting people from using do-overs and having to live with their mistakes until the end. From the month of one emperor to the month of another, my time here in school is running out.
So currently I'm doing this entry while in school, I guess as a way to soak in all of the atmosphere around me while I still have the chance. This spot right outside the Hullett Memorial Library is pretty conducive for things like this, getting nice breezes of fresh air while perhaps drawing inspiration from the greenery. I wonder how many people actually read the old framed-up newspaper articles on the walls here? Appropriately enough it reinforces the idea of time flying like a rocket when we don't want it to...
With little room for self-reflection and clinging onto the past, I have little choice but to look forward. But all I see ahead are wisps of possibilities, with no secure stepping stones in sight. I have no clear sight of my vision of my own future. Other classmates seem to have nailed their plans to precise detail, knowing exactly what scholarships and jobs to pursue and what life goals to chase. Why am I so short-sighted then? I can only focus on getting my grades up so I can have a better fighting chance during the year-end exams, but it just stops there.
Some other schoolmates I know have already taken hold of the reins and made steps towards their dream careers. Attempting various endeavours like novel-writing, script-writing, studying law, and so on. I have yet to find a clear path like that. I think I remember telling myself I could be a travelling performing pianist at first, but with complications arising and a revelation on the cruel reality of things, it was no longer as simple as dipping my hand into a bowl of paper pieces and randomly drawing out the occupation I should go with.
However I still hope that perhaps later on in the future, things make themselves clearer to me. Maybe when I read this again I would have figured out the general direction I can steer my life choices towards. Mind you, I don't want to stick to such a narrow path because I still like to have the option to explore and discover. A job that I don't mind working while still leaving room for other pursuits is what I'm aiming for at the moment... which is both incredibly vague and pretty unlikely in such a bustling city like Singapore that pressures people into contributing to the economy's growth.
When all these shenanigans are dealt with this year, hopefully I'll have the time and resources needed to sort myself out. Because I'm certain that strong decisions like this can't be reached so easily for me within the limited time I have here in school...