21 Jul 2013

Sunday Night

Sunday nights are really one of the worst parts of the week.

Well they used to be alright for me, because I'd watch the Sunday night movies on TV with my family, at home or over at my grandfather's house. It was a nice little time to get together and enjoy each other's company, temporarily postponing the thought of Monday's creeping arrival. If we were coming back home from my grandfather's house, reality would sink back in, and the returning heavy feeling inside me reminded me that I'd have to be in school the next morning. The slow emotional songs on the car radio didn't help much, and seeing the orange glow of the passing street lights seemed to amplify the music's effects.

Now, Sunday nights seem to feel even bitterer than before.

It might be just me, but the TV shows on Sunday nights — at least the ones that show while I'm awake — aren't that appealing to me. They either mostly consist of TV premieres of movies I'm not fond of, or repeat telecasts of old movies that seem to be deemed still worthy to be reused year after year. So we hardly come together to watch TV.

But it's not just that. At least back then it was school that I worried about. It sounds a bit weird that now I say "at least", when it was really a bigger deal in the past for me. I have NS to deal with now. I can't say I hate it to its very core, but I can't say I think I can handle it either. Maybe I'm just extremely horrible at dealing with office politics even where I'm not concerned directly. Maybe I'm just terrible at dealing with workplace stress. Maybe I do hate NS to the core but not consciously. All I know is that this problem is different.

That's a different matter. Perhaps later on I'll still dread Sunday nights, when I may be attending university courses, or working in my job.

I really hope that I can make the right choices for myself, so that I'd soon no longer have to complain and whine about the Monday following every Sunday night. It could mean an early secure retirement, or scoring a job that I don't mind waking up for, even on a Monday. Heck, it could even mean working on weekends, where Mondays would be a break to look forward to. This'll likely mean making choices that would grind against conventional thinking, or choices that carry bigger-than-normal risks. But I'd rather know I tried even if I failed, than not know if I would have succeeded had I tried. (That's something I should abide by more often...)

Is such a dream nothing but a figment of my imagination in a place like Singapore? I don't know. I hope it won't be by the time I dive into the sea of job-seekers. I hope I don't get stuck with a job that sucks the energy and time out of my life, and kills the initial motivation I had for doing the job in the first place. And no, money is never the sole motivation for doing a job for me.

Maybe I'm still pretty na├»ve. Maybe there's too narrow a range of choices for me here. Maybe the range is narrow for me everywhere. Maybe for the rest of my working life I'll have to deal with hating Sunday nights. Maybe my entire life, even. 

I really hate Sunday nights.