23 Jun 2013

Haze/Heart

I see less than before.

My path has become more obscured.

For now I can do naught but wait.

It was only a slight hindrance before... or at least I convinced myself it was. Then things just built up. And didn't stop.

I couldn't do anything except watch.


I was a bit irritated at first, but I knew I couldn't do much. Perhaps I'll get used to it in the end.

After a while it got worse. I thought, just hang in there, discomfort is normal.

It still got even worse. I couldn't keep enduring for too long. I needed help.

The help I got eventually was only good for slowing down the pace of regression. Only a superficial measure. It did nothing to help the root causes. It was beyond their power, as well as my own.

It hurt. It still hurts. And it will hurt even more if I lingered around for longer.

I could wait for it to eventually fade away, but it'll likely be too late by then. And the damage might be irreversible.

Or I could seek refuge. Leave. Let myself recover. Don't expose myself to it any further. Go out when the root has been dealt with, and it's finally safe.

I cannot intervene in any way. This is beyond my control.

I'm sick and tired of being unable to fix myself to adapt to this, and having to wait it out before I'm free of this suffering...