3 Mar 2013

A Bit Lost

This month's going to be one heck of a month, being loaded with such heavy decisions.

'A' Levels results get released, and BANG! Open House events at the local universities spring up. I've been to two so far, and though I've narrowed some of the choices provided, the remainder of choices left are still quite a lot. And I haven't seen the remaining schools I could apply to yet. 

I'm not completely clueless as to what I want to pursue, but I haven't been able to pinpoint to sufficiently specific fields yet. Ridiculously demanding things like law are definitely out, of course, but I don't feel that much closer to forming a feasible plan for university. I really have no idea why I don't have any strong inclination towards any particular path...

Meanwhile I'm starting to worry about my current situation at the workplace. At first I thought my new designated job would seem simple enough to handle, but as time progressed, I got a clearer idea of just what I got myself into. I may not be shouldering complete responsibility yet, but I already foresee myself struggling a lot if I fully take over the role from my upper-study. 

Even now I'm having some problems with the little bits of tasks I'm assisting in. I initially dismissed this as attributable to me being new to the workplace and still adjusting to the foreign environment and people, and I thought things would fall into place soon. Yet up till now I haven't felt any more confident or capable of doing my job. In fact I think I've realised just how unsuitable I am for the job, but knowing how the other jobs are more or less similar to this one, where does that leave me?

I really should speak up now before things escalate to a breaking point, but I really don't know how my superiors would react knowing that I should have brought it up earlier... and even then, how are they going to help me out? 

Honestly I don't think I'm suited for such administrative work at all. I don't even know why I got the designation of an admin clerk. I'm already plenty grateful for not having to deal with arms or putting my own and others' lives at risk, but... I'm just making myself sound even more whiny and spoiled, aren't I?

"Oh don't worry yourself too much over this, eventually you'll get used to this, and tolerate your job until ORD lor!" That's what I'm worried about: I'm pretty certain I can't get used to this. It's stressing me out more and more trying to absorb the relevant knowledge and practices in the workplace. But to spring up something big like this to my superiors, in a period where the work gets especially hectic, would be really inconvenient to say the least.

I'm so torn over this. I don't want to cause too much collateral damage to others, but I also don't want to ignore my well-being for too long. It feels so real, teetering near the edge of the mental cliff...

Am I severely over-reacting? Or am I truly a misfit in the office?