31 Oct 2012

Dead Echoes

Clink... 

Clink.... 

Clink...

The sounds echoed throughout the house. He brought it upon himself and he knew it. The previous owner was more than eager to sell it to him at a low price. She appeared pale and tired that day... probably had to deal with the same predicament during her stay. Still, he desperately needed a place to live and would have taken the deal anyway.

What was causing the racket? Doesn't seem to be anything electricity-related, since tonight's storm knocked out the power. And he didn't think any appliances he owned would produce that odd noise anyway... was it loose metal? 

No way he could tolerate this any further, just as he had valiantly attempted to endure for the past couple of weeks. This time, tonight, he WILL investigate this. Even amidst this blasted power outage.  

And on a Halloween night, of all nights.

28 Oct 2012

Test

I've re-realised that the 'A' Level examinations aren't as big as they tend to be hyped up to be.

I mean I kind of knew that I shouldn't make too huge a deal out of it at first, but I got swept up with the rest by the pressure and stress, along with the unnecessarily high standards I ended up setting for myself. But a little change in perspective reset my focus, armed with a stronger belief than before.

First of all, I don't think any of my aspirations require straight A's. I've probably already said that I would very unlikely find myself in a situation where I'm mostly cooped up in an office, stuck with a huge workload and with little rest even on non-working days. Lawyers and doctors are out, to mention a few. Where my tendencies lie, grades may not be such a great determining factor in future paths. I can prove myself worthy and valuable through other means!

Secondly, I also realised that I may have put too much weight on the 'A' Levels as a final escape from exams and from boring lessons forever. This of course is a false notion. Not just on a technical aspect that I'd likely still have to attend university lectures and tests, but also that I can never escape from tests or lessons even after that.

20 Oct 2012

Nowhere and Everywhere

If this post sounds like a long weird rambling, I'm trying to get myself unstuck from the limbo I'm currently in.

To be slightly more specific, it's like my state of mind is stuck between a few states, not leaning to any one.

I really don't know why, of all times, I get into this odd emotional/mental stagnancy. I feel I should be focused and worried about the exams creeping (not so) slowly with each passing second, yet I also get this unusual sense of comfort and ease, as though it's already over and I don't need to care about this any longer. And yet another part of me is urging me to just have a lot of fun and indulge in whatever leisurely activities within my comfort zone that I can get my hands on, rationalising that beyond this point of 'A' Levels, life would get more drab and rigid. Contrastingly, some part of me also knows that I can make my own fun and play after these exams too.

12 Oct 2012

Why?

Why?

Not just what, but why?

That's the message brought today during the Farewell Assembly in RI for the Year 6 students. Behind every action there's a motivation we should be aware of. Behind every means to an end, there should be a justification for employing such means to this particular end. Nothing should be committed to without being clear on the reason by such commitment. Do we really know why we're doing what we're doing at the moment?

And frankly, I've been tossing this around in my head for quite a while now. (Well actually I've been tossing around different interpretations of this question around, but I'll deal with the intended question here.) 

We seem to be getting more and more conditioned into diving into stuff while leaving questions for later. Okay, we may ask ourselves why we'd do such things, but would probably settle for answers that sound fine for now. "Why do I want to join this CCA? Because my ex-classmate is in it." "Why do I want to take this subject? Because I guess I feel alright in it." "Why do I need to get really good scores for the 'A' Levels exams? So I can get a job." They may be correct, but they all sound vague and superficial. Some even resemble clich├ęd adages periodically mentioned by others who went through a similar experience. Yet they don't seem to highlight on the inner personal desire being addressed by making such a decision.