14 Jun 2012

Revisit

This all seems familiar to me, yet pretty different this time round.

I'm about to take my FTCL piano diploma exam in slightly less than 14 hours from now. I've done what I could. This time with higher standards, and no scoring system that I can check against to see just how well I've done. At least that simplifies things; I just need to focus on passing well, disregarding how "well" I will do.

As I'm here typing out this entry that I'm not entirely sure how to fill out and to wrap up neatly at this point, I recall the time I was preparing for my ATCL exam... while recovering in that clunky blue plastic cast around my leg. I'm the only person in my immediate family to ever get something fractured, let alone two fractures. (The first one was when I was really really young and I couldn't remember much about the arm injury) I was also in front of the same computer, also blogging the day away when I wasn't either practising the piano or doing holiday homework.

Funny thing is I don't remember that much about the LTCL preparations or the exam itself though. The only thing I do remember is that I totally underperformed and got way worse than I could hope for, and I was already having negative expectations. But the ATCL preparations... maybe it's because it's closely tied to the fracture incident that I remember a lot of it? Or because it's the biggest setback I've ever had while preparing for a piano exam? Probably both.

Well that's one thing I'm glad about this moment that's different from that. A relatively healthier physical state(save for the stupid throat irritation) at least means I could still go for piano lessons as usual instead of the other way around which would be more inconvenient for my teacher. Another difference is the exam venues; the room I was in during the ATCL was kinda small for a performance venue, and the piano sounded pretty muted. The one I'll be using tomorrow, however, is larger and specifically for recital purposes, with the piano elevated on a platform stage. The construction going on around the building would be kinda distracting though, and hopefully wouldn't ruin the examiner's mood or something... (at least they'll stop any noisy work during that time)


The third difference is that I've switched to a different teacher for a while now. And thinking back I wonder how my previous teacher's doing at the moment; only bit of info I get is from one of my schoolmates who happened to be learning under him at that moment, and all I got from that is that nothing's changed too dramatically apart from the kids growing up. No idea if I should even dare to visit him, after being "rejected" for another teacher...

Another thing, I'm obviously not in the same computer room any more doing this blogging. I'm also wondering what's going on back at my previous house... all I heard was that the parents have a daughter who is/was in the MEP and also plays piano, but they use a grand piano. Can't verify this for myself though. And I also think, what if my family didn't move house and we were still back there? How much would things have changed? Or would my life be pretty much the same regardless of where I stay?

All these rambling thoughts to keep my mind from worrying over the impending test... I can't say that I'm not wary of the possibility of conjuring a train-wreck performance, but I'm not exactly freaking out right now. That may change as I'm waiting outside the recital room tomorrow though, but even then I think I may feel some confidence this time. The previous two times were moments of weakness; this time I have very little excuse to screw up.

Either way, whether I soar into the clouds or plunge into depths of doom, I might as well enjoy the musical ride as much as possible.