11 Mar 2012

Marching On Ahead

And I've made it past the first school term of 2012. Lovely. I usually say that time really does breeze by too fast, but strangely enough this time I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the sudden disappearance of time in the blink of an eye. Does that mean I planned my time better this time???

I'm like about half an hour before entering the 5-day lesson-free period. I don't count the weekends because they aren't really affected by this so-called school "holiday". And truth be told, I know that no matter how hard I prepare during this period, it's unlikely for me to ace the first Common Test. Really, some of the tested topics were covered somewhere in the midst of last year. There's a lot more room for error in this case.

The journey so far is gradually wearing me down mentally. Primary school was such a blur; secondary school was, to put it briefly, the shift into higher gear; JC suddenly thrusts us into a drearily long marathon, constantly pushing us from behind. Even when secondary school introduced longer school days compared to primary school, I didn't feel that tied down. It's only in JC that I actually feel the drain of energy.

And this is when I get conflicted feelings again; on one hand I have the urge to quickly graduate from JC and get out of this zombie-fying place with more new-found freedom, but on the other hand I know that what awaits me is National Service and actual paid human labour among other things. While in school I don't have the need to have the sustainable well-paying job. Will I ever be able to keep up with societal demands while satisfying my needs and wants? I'm already feeling old and wishing to go back to simpler times when I didn't need to care about social issues and didn't need to deal with troublesome (but apparently necessary) tasks.

However I know I have no choice but to march on. No way to fight against the current of time or societal pressure at the moment. I really hate having little control over this current. I usually want to look back into the past to relive simpler times, or peak ahead into the future to give me a clearer idea of what I'll be contributing to and what I'll get to enjoy. I'm ignoring the possibility of causing ripples across the timeline because I looked at the different point in time and, knowing what the future could be like, will cause a new future.

For now the only way is forward at the normal rate. Gotta keep on training for the final battle that may determine a lot of things for me in the future...