22 May 2011

Funny Definitions 2

More from the same list here(but please view the original non-messy post):

karma
justice without the feeling of satisfaction
kindred
the fear of being visited by relatives or attending family reunions
kissing
a means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other
kowtow
to pay homage to a sacred cow
lactose
consequences of frostbite
lecture
an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either
limbo
the place where arms and legs go when they die
lunatic
insect from the moon
mascara
makeup that ghosts wear
memo
an office communication often written more for the benefit of the person who sends it than the person who receives it
mirror
a truthful reflector shunned by vampires, hypocrites and aging fashion models
mug shot
a photo of a coffee cup
negotiate
to seek a meeting of the minds without the knocking together of heads
nightmare
a female horse that's used only for evening rides
nostalgia buff
one who finds the past perfect and present tense
nudist
one who grins and bares it
obesity
surplus gone to waist
operetta
the lady who answers the phone at the phone company
organic
church music
overprotective
you're not ready to know
pandemonium
a housing development for pandas
period
comma that curled up and went to sleep
pineapple
an apple that grew on a pine tree
polyunsaturated
a dry parrot
q
a very dependent letter that usually likes to hang around you
quarterback
change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a one-dollar bill
quark
the sound made by a well-bred duck
questionable
what the police do when they interrogate a cow's husband
rampage
section of a book about male sheep
recursive
see recursive
romance
ants in Italy
rubber band
a group of flexible musicians
salt
something useful in a pinch
scurry
take-out Indian food
silicon
a goofy prisoner
smoking
the world's leading cause of statistics
talent
what everyone has but you
telepathy
minding someone else's business
thesaurus
an extinct reptile with a phenomenal vocabulary
tree
a plant used to stop cars
undercover agent
a spy in bed
unicellular
a small jail
upgrade
result of studying hard
user-friendly
of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer
Venetian blind
a sightless person from Italy
vicious circle
a wedding ring
vanguard
a person who protects trucks
voting
the right of our citizens to do as they please behind a curtain, as long as they do it alone
want
an ant in need
weightless
shorter delays
wisdom
knowing what to do with what you know
world
a jigsaw puzzle with a peace missing
Xeroxes
Persian photocopy king
xylophone
small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums"
yawn
1. an honest opinion openly expressed
2. a silent shout, inside out
3. the only time some married men ever get to open their mouth
yours
anything which, up to the present, others have not been able to get away from you
youthful figure
what you get when asking a woman's age
zeal
a quality seen in new graduates--if one is quick
zombie
a mirthless creature beloved by teenage horror movie fans and those in charge of the hiring at accounting firms